June 5, 2012 by barbararc
?Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to.? Harriet Lerner
Dr. Barbara Cunningham, licensed marriage and family therapist in San Diego, CA, sees many couples who complain that chronic anger has eaten away at their relationship or marriage over time. What follows are some of? her thoughts on how negative feelings can?cut?into relational quality.
Anger is an emotion that can erode an individual?s quality of life and play havoc with the dynamic in one?s most important relationships. In my clinical practice, I see many couples who complain that anger has infected their relationship satisfaction. The roller coaster quality of living with someone who has trouble managing his/her anger can be devastating. At http://www.Cunninghamtherapy.com, Dr. Cunningham works on helping people learn new tools and apply new principles to their relationships that can?help them lead calmer, more satisfying lives.?
Dr. Cunningham, for example, emphasizes that?it is important to be clear about one?s bottom line. What will you do and what won?t you do for the other person? Consider your ?yes-es? as carefully as you consider your ?no?s.? If you accommodate and give in again and again, over time, resentment toward your partner may build. Then as normal day-to-day stresses of life accumulate, a person with anger management problems may explode and hurt those he or she loves deeply.
A person with anger management problems needs to learn that they can shape their world rather than being at the mercy of outside forces. They need to increase their sense that they can become the CEO of their own life instead of exerting energy upon trying to control others. If?a person?can become aware of triggers that make?them say yes when?they really want to say no (or conversely, make?them say no when?they really want to say yes),?they will know where?they stop and the other?begins.
People who work on developing this type of ?emotional muscle??will not?be quite as governed by the?responses of others.?This simple yet difficult self-management skill can help curb resentment toward an important other.?When one works on managing?one?s own boundaries more carefully, it?can help to control the risk of festering and growing?resentment and?anger. Such an effort can?empower people to?become long distance runners in the art of intimacy. Dr. Cunningham sees individuals and couples?for relationship counseling on issues of all?kinds.?To learn more, visit?her web site at http://www.cunninghamtherapy.com?or call for?a complimentary phone consultation at 619 9906203.
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