Help Over Hype ? Guest Post | Whatever Life Brings

Guest Post by Dr. Amy Wood

Everywhere we go ? the internet, the book store, the grocery store check-out line ? carefully crafted headlines fight to sell us on the implausible yet tempting idea that we can have, be, and do whatever we want by next month, this Friday, right this minute.? All we have to do is simply stop trying so hard and swallow some simplistic regimen.? A vacation home, dream job, soul mate, ageless body, or whatever else we?re after can be ours forever if we just read these three secrets or those five easy steps. ???Yeah, right!? we seasoned adults say right back to all the quick-fix remedies competing for our attention.? ?Do you really think I?m gonna fall for that??

?As a woman who earns her living from helping people to clarify and cultivate their goals and dreams, I can certainly see that in this age of transformation and reinvention, empty personal improvement rhetoric is one of the most prevalent snake oils on the market.? But what I also see is that real wisdom can be found in overblown antidotes if you take them with a grain or two of salt.?? ?The solution is not to throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak, but to turn self-help hype into real help by applying common sense to the pumped up promises. ??

?Here are three examples of how self-help fluff can become solid counsel:

?The hype:??? The outcome you want will manifest if you envision it.

Real help:??? Imagination alone will not make things happen, but it can definitely help.?? Picturing a passing grade when you haven?t studied for a test won?t get you very far.?? But ask any successful athlete and they will tell you that they win more than they lose because they vividly visualize the results they want as they train.?? If you focus your mind on what you desire AND work hard to bring your goal to fruition, you are more likely to be successful.

?The hype:?? You can catapult yourself to the next level by talking ?as if? you are already there.

Real help:?? Saying affirmations ? telling yourself you are capable and confident in this or that area when you don?t feel that way ? will indeed move you steadily where you want to go.? But here?s the catch:? your affirmations can?t be too big a stretch.??? If you?re up to your ears in debt, your brain will reject ?I am swimming in money? but ?My financial decisions are improving? will likely bring about better spending habits.?? Likewise, ?I enjoy moving my body? will be more motivating than ?I love working out six days a week? if you?re just decided to get off the couch and exercise.

?The hype:? Positive thinking makes life pain-free.

Real help:?? There is no question that glass-half-full people have it made.?? It follows that those who complain less than others are more fun to be around and attract better opportunities.? But let?s be clear here:? optimism will make you more resilient? in the face of heartache, disappointment, and failure, but not immune to the curveballs all adults are dealt.? ?Optimism is about taking in the whole picture, embracing the good and the bad, and choosing to focus on what?s going well over what?s wrong.? Whether you?re sizing up the economy, the cyberspace dating pool, ?or a half-baked self improvement suggestion, ?you?re bound to fare better if you practice a hopeful perspective.?

Remember when self-help tips were limited to mainstream books like I?m Okay, You?re Okay and The Power of Positive Thinking?? ??Life really was simpler then.? Personal improvement advice comes at us in such a relentless torrent of not just books, but blogs, Websites, tweets, ezines, infomercials, emails, texts, and on and on today that sifting through it all has become a new source of stress.?? If you?re like most Boomers, you?re fed up with the onslaught.? You just want practical suggestions for keeping your life balanced ? without all the hype.? ??Well, here they are:??

View your life as a work in progress.? We Boomers know more than any other generation that predictable adult development ? from picket fences to gold retirement watches ? is no longer the norm.??? Nothing is certain now except that the pace of American life will continue to quicken, and options for personal discovery and transformation will keep snowballing.??? This is the age of reinvention, and you will probably leave a ?to do? list behind when you die.??? Once you accept that you will never get ?it all? done, that each new horizon will bring new goals and dreams, you will begin to stress less and enjoy the ride more.

Take excellent care of yourself.? ??You need to be genuinely rested and awake with all your parts in good working order to cut through the chaos of modern life and see your way to genuine enjoyment.?? This means making sure that you get enough sleep, eat reasonably well, exercise sufficiently, protect yourself from people and environments that drain you, and keep your mind adequately stimulated. ?This also means breaking away from work whenever necessary to take the edge off, have fun, and recharge yourself.? ?The advantage of taking full responsibility for your physical and mental health is that you?ll be well-anchored with your wits about you as the cacophony of American life continues to build.

Make the most of what you already have.?? One sure way to reduce stress is to take your mind off what?s missing and focus instead on what?s working. ??This means recognizing and fortifying existing strengths in yourself, other people, your environment, and the internet and technology.? ?You can?t afford to waste time complaining about what?s not going your way, or attempting to excel in areas that aren?t your bailiwick.??? If you go with what feels natural to you and delegate what goes against your grain, you will feel more comfortable, capable, and optimistic.

Get rid of what you don?t want.?? It?s hard to feel like you?re getting anywhere in life when you can?t see the path in front of you.? You can clear your way by ridding yourself of stuff, ideas, goals, commitments, relationships, and obligations that have long since served a purpose and are now only taking up premium space.? Identifying and then getting rid of whatever is weighing on you, cluttering your environment, clogging your mind, or dragging you down will free up room for more resonant beliefs, belongings, and opportunities, and you will feel more energized and better able to breathe.

Get clear about what you do want.? ??If you don?t know where you?re going in our distracted culture, you will get pulled in all sorts of directions that aren?t right for you.? The best way to end up in places that feel good is to let what?s most important to you ? your health, your family and friends, your livelihood, and other core sources of meaning and purpose ? inform your decisions.? Envisioning what you?re after ? more money in the bank, less weight around your middle, happier relationships at home and the office ?? will coax you through all those distractions and toward fruition.

Make life balance a practice:? ??A big source of stress these days is the popular belief that life can be perfect if you just apply the right strategy.? ?With so much expert advice at our disposal, it?s easy to convince ourselves that the secret to the perfect life must exist somewhere, if only we can find the appropriate fix.? The advantage of being a Boomer is that you?re old enough to know that you will never get your life exactly right and that?s okay.??? You will have good days and bad days, surprises will interrupt even the best laid plans, and you will make mistakes.? But if you approach each day as an opportunity to do the best you can, adapting when necessary to ever-changing outer circumstances and inner inclinations, your life will feel balanced most of the time.? And in an era when stress is a communal experience, feeling balanced more often than not really is as good as it gets.

About Amy Wood: Amy Wood, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist with deep knowledge of human nature and a gift for helping adults become their own versions of successful.? Having worked with clients ranging from seriously disturbed psychiatric patients and incarcerated criminals to community leaders and corporate executives, she knows how people handle obstacles and how they change.?? No matter how complex the challenge, Dr. Wood has helped someone through it ? all from the empowering perspective that every individual, regardless of circumstances, is a unique and valuable individual with the inner resources necessary to articulate and accomplish their goals.?

She facilitates growth and development through speaking engagements, writing, consulting, and one-on-one and group sessions. ?Dr. Wood is the author of Life Your Way:? Refresh Your Approach to Success and Breathe Easier in a Fast-paced World and co-hosts the radio show Your Money & Your Life on Dreamvisions 7 radio. She also hosts the Life Your Way segment on Mind Your Own Business radio and is often featured in media ranging from local newspaper and TV to national radio and popular magazines like Parade and Women?s Day. For more of her work, go to http://amywoodpsyd.com/wordpress/

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